You Really Think You Need To Be Saved?

The Origins Of Mormonism

Three years after Joseph Smith's First Vision, God sent the angel Moroni to instruct Joseph about restoring the gospel of Jesus Christ.

In 1820 or so. Joseph Smith claimed that the angel Moroni had appeared to him and revealed that a Bible of the New World lay hidden. In time he would be permitted to unearth it, but the time was not yet. Seven years later The angel Moroni, on September 22, 1827, granted him permission to unearth this Bible of the New World from a spot on a hill near Palmyra, New York. Digging at that spot, he said he found golden plates in a stone box. On these plates was an unusual script which the barely educated Smith realized were in the hieroglyphics of the Reformed Egyptian language.

MORMONISM'S EGYPTIAN LINK

Fortunately the plates came with two crystals named "Urim" and "Thummen" were set in silver to form a bowl-like set of spectacles. These magic spectacles, not unlike the "magic" or "peek" stones with which the family was enthralled, enabled him to read the Reformed Egyptian text and turn it into unreformed English—"unreformed English" since the early translation of this "text" was not in the most literate of English.

Smith claimed that he spent two years behind a curtain dictating the translation to assistants who took down his words as he deciphered the "reformed Egyptian hieroglyphics." This was truly a remarkable event since the scholarly French Jean Francois Champollion was at work deciphering the Rosetta Stone with its hieroglyphics, at about this time, but without the benefit of "magic crystals," the first time that the Egyptian written language could be read. When Smith had completed his translation, the angel Moroni re-appeared and removed the golden plates and the magical crystal glasses forever. No evidence remains that the plates ever existed. Moreover, Smith gave conflicting accounts of the find. He was to describe the plates in various ways, ranging from simply metallic plates, then to golden plates, and finally to engraved golden plates.

YOU GOTTA HAVE FAITH.......OR JUST BE A MORON

Come on now folks, that's a little hard to swallow. Have you ever even seen an angel? At least you know that aardvarks actually exist! I can just see old Joe Smith and his friends drinking one night and thinking 'Hey, we should start a religion " Well their theology seemed pretty lame and one of them said "Why you would have to be a moron to believe any of that crap" which caused another one to exclaim "Exactly! That's it, we'll call it Moron-ism and we can name our angel Moron. Being the most insightful of the group old Joe though for a moment and said "I think your on to something here, but to have actual members we can't be calling them morons, no one would want to be referred to as a moron! And thus Mormonism was born and the angel was named Moroni. Today there are around 15 million morons, um Mormons who believe old Joseph Smith's story.

http://www.yoism.org/?q=node/307 For more on Mormonism (South Park)

Dogma? What is dogma?

Dogma: a religious doctrine that is proclaimed as true without proof.

Church Attendance Plummets
As World IQ Increases



According to a study published in this week's Newfoundland Journal of Psychology, the world is getting smarter. Average IQ scores have risen 1.9% worldwide since the year 2000 and 2.3% since 1990.

Professor Thomas Collingsworth of Whitehorse University stated that a likley reason is the Internet. Millions of people now have current information on every imaginable subjet literally at their fingertips. 'In reality it's not so much we are collectively smarter as the fact that we have fewer utterly stupid people than we use to have.

On average, Atheists scored 1.95 IQ points higher than Agnostics, 3.82 points higher than Liberal persuasions, and 5.89 IQ points higher than Dogmatic persuasions. Atheists were third highest in the study overall, behind Jews who ranked second and Aardvarkians who scored highest. "I'm not saying that believing in God makes you dumber. My hypothesis is that people with a low intelligence are more easily drawn toward religions which give answers that are certain, and more easily accepted by those with lower IQ's while people with a high intelligence are more skeptical," says the professor.

Literally-oriented religious Believers did not differ significantly from Mythologically-oriented Believers on measures of intelligence, authoritarianism, or racial prejudice. Religious Believers as a group were found to be significantly less intelligent and more authoritarian than religious Skeptics."

Researchers, led by Professor Richard Lynn of Ulster University, have found a link between intelligence and atheism – in fact, according to them, university academics are less likely to believe in God than almost anyone else. I believe it is simply a matter of the IQ. Academics have higher IQs than the general population. Several Gallup poll studies of the general population have shown that those with higher IQs tend not to believe in God,"Commenting on the study in The Daily Telegraph, Professor Lynn said "It should come as absolutely no surprise that this is the case. Why wouldn't fewer academics believe in God than the general population?"

The human need for certainty apparently causes many to fall back on wishful thinking. Professor Collingsworth said. Despite highly unlikely conclusions based on blind faith and miracles, smoke and mirrors if you will, some people want or need to believe so desperatly that they will believe just about anything"

Aardvarkian Watchtower

"Oh, Thank God, I thought you were one of those damn Jehovah Witnesses"

Huvark: Our Early Ancestor

The Last Supper

How To Deal With Shit: Various Religious Perspectives

Taoism: Shit happens, go with the flow
Hare krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Dong
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Islam: The shit that happens is the will of Allah
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit is
Buddhism: Shit is suffering. Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will have salvation.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Man who sit on toilet high on pot but take square ass to shit brick'
7th day Adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it
Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock, knock, May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Unitarian: What is this shit?
Mormon: If you can believe this shit you'd have to be a Moron.
Judaism: Oy vey! Why does this shit always happen to us?
Pentacostalism: Praise the shit!
Atheism: There is no shit!
New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit

Aardvarkism: Make sure you understand shit before you believe it worship it and base your salvation on it!

I have found Christian dogma unintelligible. Early in life I absented myself from Christian assemblies."

Benjamin Franklin

What has been the fruits of Christianity? ......Superstition, bigotry and persecution. James Madison, 4th president of the U.S.

Religions are all alike -- founded on fables and mythologies.
Thomas Jefferson

The True Origins Of Jesus

Christ Just a Copy Based On Egyptian Gods

Much of the Christian History preexisted as Egyptian Mythology, buried out of sight for thousands of years in a hieroglyphical language.

Whether you believe it or not does not matter, the fatal fact remains that every trait and feature which go to make up the Christ as Divinity, and every event or circumstance taken to establish the human personality was prexistant, and pre-applied to the Egyptian and Gnostic Christ.

Yet the majority of people in the world today assume or believe that Jesus Christ was a real person. Maybe he wasn't 'The Messiah" or the 'Son of God', maybe he didn't really perform miracles or rise from the dead, but at the very least he was a great moral teacher from which Christianity sprung, right?

Perhaps not, for the evidence is strong to suggest the story of Jesus is just that, a story, a MYTH.

Like many other religious figures, "Jesus Christ" began as a theological concept, was later used as a character in allegorical stories, and was then historicized as someone whom people believed really existed.

Some take the view that Jesus was a real person who was a teacher, as well as a leader of a religious movement. If this was true you would expect that this person would have produced his own writings since other rabbis, teachers and theologians did. It is possible that Jesus didn't know how to write (although that doesn't seem very God-like) or maybe his incredibly sacred and divine works just weren't preserved?

It is hard if not impossible to even find anything written about Jesus by ANYONE during his lifetime. Don't you think if someone was performing miraculous acts there would be a fairly contemporary accounting of them? Virtually everything written about Jesus in the Bible was written at least 40-50 years AFTER HIS DEATH, by followers. Little to nothing can be found from non-Christian sources.

Maybe Jesus should have spent more time leaving evidence of his existence instead of walking on water? But of course that would just be too easy, and not put your FAITH to much of a test.

Believe In Jesus or Burn In Hell

Only one original feature was introduced by Christians for their savior deity. Whereas the Hellenistic tradition of liberality and inclusiveness allowed for the side-by-side existence of many cult deities within the pantheon of saviors -- and pagan devotees hedged his or her bets by subscribing to the cults of several savior gods -- only Christianity claimed exclusivity for its version of the old tune, and regarded Jesus Christ as the sole existing source of salvation. Once political power was obtained, of course, that claim of exclusivity was ruthlessly enforced.

Without belief in Jesus, the Christian religion loses all justification for its existence. As such, it becomes of vital importance to examine what is claimed about the Biblical Jesus and to evaluate these claims.

Interesting links:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQLD59fK_Iw (Origins of Religious Myths)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMo5R5pLPBE (Hitchens on Jesus)

Worshipers at The Statue of the Great Aardvark


This Statue is known as the Great Aardvark at Omo because it is on the
banks of the Omo River in southwestern Ethiopia. Scientists are still unsure
if it is a well preserved fossil from prehistoric times or if it is a product of human hands.

is a sacred site for Aardvarkians who believe that God is an Aardvark. They also believe that the Statue has existed on the banks of the Omo River since the beginning of time, a gift from the Greatest of All Aardvarks (GAA aka God).

The statue is not available for extensive scientific analysis. Carbon dating was permitted however and the Great Aardvark at Omo is estimated to be at least 2,550,000 years old. If not a gift from god, or a fossil, the Great Aardvark at Omo is the earliest known artifact of mankind. Considering the technology available at the time would make it one of the greatest engineering marvels of all time, rivaling if not surpassing the Great Pyramids of Egypt as one of mans greatest architectural achievements.

Anthropologist are excited over fossil discoveries that indicate the existence of Aardvarapithecus which is skeletal remains of a 97 million year old aardvark which carbon dating indicates to be 94 million years old. Scientists have concluded from DNA analysis that there is a distinct connection between humans and aardvarks. This would tend to support the Aardvarkian belief that God is an aardvark and created man in his own image.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/2676377.stm (Human - Aardvark DNA connection)

http://www.archaeologyinfo.com/australopithecusafarensis.htm (australopithecus info)

http://www.mnsu.edu/emuseum/archaeology/sites/africa/omoriver.html (Omo River)

Another Aardvark Lover!

Praying to Joe Pesci May Be Just as
Effective as Praying to God

Geoge Carlin claimed that praying to Joe Pesci was just as effective as praying to God:


And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing.

So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don't pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.

For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.

So I've been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

Here is Carlin's performance :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o

Do You Really Know God?

God Of The Week


The religions of the world teach a wide diversity of concepts about deity. Books have been published which list over 1,000 Gods or over 1,000 Goddesses who have been worshiped in various eras and locations. Think about that. They can't all be right. A better question is are any of them right? Technically we are all atheists about most and perhaps all of these gods that societies have believed in.

Emerson said, "The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next."

Some even arrogantly laugh at "other peoples god's", call them ignorant or perhaps even infidels. Some of these Gods seem silly or ridiculous to you, but maybe your simply unenlightened which is just a nicer way of saying ignorant.

In Hinduism the particular form of God worshiped as one's chosen ideal is a matter of individual preference, although regional and family traditions can play a large part in influencing this choice. Hindus may also take guidance about this choice from scriptures.

Although Hindus do worship deities other than their chosen deity from time to time, depending on the occasion and their personal inclinations, it is not expected that they will worship, or even know about, every form of God. Hindus generally choose one concept of God (popular choices include Krishna, Rama, Shiva, or Ganesh), and cultivate devotion to that chosen form, while at the same time respecting the chosen ideals of other people.

The exact nature of belief in regards to each deity varies between differing Hindu denominations and philosophies. Often these dieties are depicted in humanoid, or partially-humanoid forms.. In total, there are over 330,000 of these supernatural beings in various Hindu traditions

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpkIKbfjE8o&feature=related

Let's learn a little bit about the Hindu god Ganesh. One of the best-known and most widely worshipped of Hindu deities. His image is found throughout India. Hindu sects worship him regardless of other affiliations. Devotion to Ganesha is widely diffused and extends to Jains, Buddhists, and beyond India.
Although he is known by many other attributes, Ganesha's elephant head makes him easy to identify. Ganesha is widely revered as the Remover of Obstacles and more generally as Lord of Beginnings and Lord of Obstacles

In Hinduism, the scriptures recommend that for the satisfaction of a particular material desire a person may worship a particular deity. The elephant-headed deva known as Ganesha is worshiped before commencing any important undertaking, as he represents God's aspect as the remover of obstacles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSRz6HDymys (Ganesh in action)

Evolution and Aardvarkian Linkage

The last common ancestor of all placental mammals - possibly a shrew-like creature - scurried over the planet hundreds of millions of years ago. It was probably nothing like the modern-day aardvark but had a similar set of chromosomes. The aardvark and it's jumbo cousin the elephant are more closely related than you might suspect and interestingly share a common ancestry with man. The aardvark, which feeds on ants and termites, is something of a genetic oddity. It looks nothing like an elephant but has been lumped in with jumbo when it comes to its genetic make-up. Many scientists think both are members of the group from which all placental mammals evolved. This includes man.The order of mammals - known as Afrotherians - arose in Africa at a time when the continent was isolated from the rest of land by the movement of the Earth's plates. Six animals - the aardvark, elephant, hyrax, manatee, elephant shrew and golden mole - belong to the group, on the basis of their genetic sequences. The last common ancestor of all placental mammals - including humans - very likely was a member of this group. The aardvark appears to be the closest match to this ancient relative in terms of how little its DNA has changed over time.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/2676377.stm (click your way along the path of enlightenment)

Origins of Religion

Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous.
If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion.

Writer Ron Hubbard in 1949who later founded the Church of Scientology

Ancient Egyptians Worshiped The Aardvark!

Ancient Egyptian Religion
Religion guided every aspect of Egyptian life. Egyptian religion was based on polytheism, or the worship of many deities, except for during the reign of Akenaton. The Egyptians had as many as 2000 gods and goddesses. Some, such as Amun, were worshipped throughout the whole country, while others had only a local following. Often godsand goddesses were represented as part human and part animal.

The Egyptian God Set has long, squared ears and a long, down-turned snout, a canine-like body with an erect forked tail. He was part man and part aardvark (Orycteropus aethiopicus)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pzkxTN8gto

Set has been worshiped since predynastic times. The first representation of Set that has been found was on a carved ivory comb, an Amratian artifact. He was also shown on the Scorpion macehead 5,000 years before the birth of Christ. He was worshiped and placated through Egyptian history until the Third Intermediate Period where he was seen as an evil and undesirable force. From this time on, some of his statues were re-carved to become the statues of other gods, and it was said that he had actually been defeated by the god Horus.

In the original tale of the fight between Set and Horus, the Egyptians believed that the two would continue their battle until the end of time itself, when chaos overran ma'at and the waters of Nun would swallow up the world. It was only when Set was vilified that this changed, and the Egyptians began to believe that Horus won the battle, defeating Set as a version of good triumphing over evil.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUC2F0hf5Mc

God Created Man In His Own Image

Genesis 1:27

So God created man in his own image,in the image of God he created him;male and female he created them.

Aardvark ancestry?
An international team of researchers claims that every mammal, including man, is descended from a common ancestor genetically similar to the modern aardvark.
Comparing chromosomes of mammal species shows that the aardvark has the greatest number of genetic features in common with other mammals. The researchers conclude that the aardvark is the closest living relative of our common ancestor.



So 'In the beginning when God created Man in his own image, Man was an AARDVARK!

You Think Aardvarkism is Absurd?

John 3:16

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life".

The Christian doctrine of the Trinity teaches the unity of Father, Son, and Holy Ghost as three persons in one Godhead. So God is Jesus and Jesus is God. Let's worry about the ghost later, this is confusing enough without the Ghost.

Each of the persons is understood as having the one identical essence or nature, not merely similar natures. Since the beginning of the third century the doctrine of the Trinity has been stated as "the one God exists in three Persons and one substance, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit."

So "God came down to earth as an incarnation of Himself, to sacrifice Himself to Himself in order to forgive His people, who he had made in the image of Himself, and save them from----the wrath of...HIMSELF?"

Hmm, and you think Aardvarkism is absurd?

"If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities" -- Voltaire (1694-1778)

Origins of the Bible

What's The Differnece Between Religion & Mythology?

A- AREN'T
A-ALL
R-RELIGIONS
D-DELUSIONAL
V-VIRTUALLY
A- ALL
R- RELIGIOUS
K- KNOWLEDGE
I- IS
S- SILLY
M- MYTHOLOGY